You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
