When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
