I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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