I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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