I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
