Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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