apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
