I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
