Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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