I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
