I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
