I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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