Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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