An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
