Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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