My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
