I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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