He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
