My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
