thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
