i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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