I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
