It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
