we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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