Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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