Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
