i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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