lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize