Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
