i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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