when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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