I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
