i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's get the cat blown out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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