Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
