Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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