never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
