Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
