So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
