ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
