So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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