you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize