The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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