6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
