I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
