Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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