He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
