i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
