From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
