Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
