who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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