Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
