how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
