he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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