They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
