Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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