Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
