you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize