Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
