Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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