u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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