y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it glows. i had to have it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
