I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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