No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
