Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Houston, we have a blender
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
