he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wear drunk well.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
