Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
