So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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