She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.