Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How external is "for external use only"?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..