Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I could fuck to npr.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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