Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
