Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants