like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF