i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
