She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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