It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
