be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
