She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
