is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was CRYING into my vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
