She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
