I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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