strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
