i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
