Sacagawea was the original milf.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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