Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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