i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
