You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
